Is been a
while for me to rethink whether to document my love here, very indecisive
though but I made a choice that I would love to write it all down and lock it
forever.
If you know
me, you should know that I have been in a relationship with Mike for 5 years.
We have been together since our pre-Uni, which is I think I am only 18. I am
the successor of Michelle (Hi mich!), is been a tough year for me because I
fall in love to fast on him without thinking that whether he has already put
down on her and really on me. But I am able to go through it with his shower of
love and support and we are happily together.
Our 4 years
university is a new chapter of love. 4 years, the vital growing phase made. For
the beginning of 2 years, we stick like glue, out of anything, no drama no
fight no quarrel, just love in the air. We often take Rapid to Mid Valley, and
not to mention he walks for like 125564kms from hostel 9 to hostel 3. *Melt die
me lorh*Even though we have no extra pocket money, no car, lousy clothes, but
we are satisfy with everything we have. Yes, the first 3 years are my best
memory in life.
Then
excitement comes in late 2nd year. Well, ever since he joined an
activity called MASC. He has changed, from a peaceful man to a fighting man.
Woah! For me, I would object object and make noise la, because these changes
are not acceptable. From 20 sms to 2 sms, from 3 calls to zero call. So, break
up happened. However, I very thick face still dragging on him, so we still together.
Of course, I am the immature and emotional one all the time. So, we grow
together. He has changed to become more skilled while I am growing my
personality. If you know Mike, his criticism is awful, said until you feel like
shyt but you have to know that his intention is good and well, he has shaped me
to become who I am today.
Yeah, story
is not end yet, told you is a long post.
Yeah, the
most nightmares, he went to Japan! It is a mixture of emotions for me; I am super
cloud nine because through his effort and determination, he successfully
selected to go for student exchange. Of course, another 2125456kms long
distance happened. So my unconscious mind overwhelms my conscious one. My
childishness re-appears and wanted him to be with me forever for 247. So, he
couldn’t take it anymore and another break up before he left to Japan. The
reason for this is that he needs freedom and he cannot stand on my dependency
on him. So he flies.
If you
think I am living in Monkey University staying miserably then you are wrong. I
pick up myself very quickly with the support of Jiachee, Pohling and Big Weili.
Of course the broken parts cannot be fading but I tremendously become very
adulthood. Waoh! Yeah Mike, if you see it, don’t you think so?
After he came back from Japan, we are friends. I don’t demand anything; it goes naturally as it is. But you know right, everyday meeting each other, the power of love start to burn again. We are back to couple again. See, the fate is not end that time. I went to internship after that, leaving him alone in KL, is hard to stay connected but we made it through.
In 4th
year, very mature already. We managed to get our Dean’s list for the final
semester. Congratulations. Of course this is the time where we need to decide
our career path, the most critical point. We are miserable, we are uncertain. I
choose to go back my hometown while he chose to either go overseas or staying
in Kl. So, we are far apart until now. A long goodbye at the station.
Is been
very hard , a real challenge for us because we are both working and find little
time to meet each other. But I believe nothing can change our love, and if
there is a will, there will be a way. But who knows, time passes, thing changes, people grow, on 20 January 2013(anniversary) he broke up with me.
Reason?
Long
distance, physical appearance of love is not available, lets God decides…Well, and
could you believe in this reason?
I am
definitely not. I am very pushy and to some extent that I have pressed up to
his limit until I got a concrete answer on 5th February.
(Pause) (Silent)
Honestly, I
cannot think that this thing could happen to me, it is definitely not in my
dictionary of life. I am lifeless, I am helpless, and I feel so empty. Again, I
even thought of getting him back to me, I wanted to save this relationship so
much if there is a chance for me to do so. A chance. But am I still deserve for
this chance?
And you know right,there are a
million reasons for him to go, and there is only a reason for him to stay and
the only reason is already fade away.
Today is my
second day. I am not okay at all, and the worst part is all my friends are far
apart from me. I couldn't find a shoulder to lean on. Painful yes it is. I don’t know how long I
need to take to stand up from this; I don’t even know how long I can stand for it.
“Revenge?”
by S
I am not that person, I am just very exhausted and tired.
Believe it
or not? I pray very hard to God. I didn’t ask for wealth, happiness, faster
find a good guy…ha! All I hope is that I can find myself back, I have lost
everything.
But to all my
dear friends, never made judgments on this, there is no right or wrong. Both of
us did love each other, we both commit, we both sacrifice. I believe I am not
the only one who is trying to forget and let go the memories, so does him.
Thank you, I know you love me.
So, yeah,to finish
up this post, I would like to write:
THE END.
